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THE HALF-WORLD REVIEWS and also RIFFS top top BOTH FANFICTION and PUBLISHED FICTION, normally THE poor KIND. It UPDATES top top AN rarely often, rarely SCHEDULE.


This might be my an individual favorite job-related of poor fanfiction; it’s a wonderful example that the“so negative it’s good” genre. Writer BeckyMac666 writes prefer no other English-language writer has ever written, and also this is both a good and a bad thing. She’s virtually certainly a troll, offered the blatant usage of established badfic tropes and also several parallels with“My Immortal,” but when you’re this good at being disastrous it yes, really doesn’t matter how serious girlfriend are about it.

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For the record, therearefolks who think that this fic and“My Immortal” share an author, due to the abovementioned parallels. I personally nothing think that’s true, due to the fact that the prose is really different, but if it amuses you to imagine the they’re created by the same person, be my guest.

Like essentially allTwilightbadfic, this story is around a mysterious brand-new girl arriving in Forks and also shaking up Bella and also Edward’s partnership by producing a love triangle. Together usual, Bella is made the end to be totally awful in the process, Jacob is mostly forgotten about, and also the protagonist may not be entirely human herself. This is much weirder, and an ext entertaining, than your mean shittyTwilightfanfiction, though. Note my words.

I an initial MSTed this fanfiction earlier on the old WordPress variation of this blog, but, as that to be a lengthy time ago and I like to think i’m funnier nowadays, ns rewrote most of mine comments. It’s no wildly different, however hopefully that is an advancement over the old version.


AN hey guys this is the new improved verson of my story, expect its far better this time!

I have no idea what the unedited variation of this point looked like, however I honestly can not imagine it being any much more ridiculous 보다 the final story.

btw ns am young and also have dyslexia i find spellin hard however its meant2 be unformal ok !

Use spellcheck, girlfriend fool! Or get a proofreader!

no critisism pls!

Oops.

tis story goes the end 2 mine bf zac(kisses!) amd mine besfreind Tiffi LOVE YA GRRRL!

The Tara parallel right here is more than likely intentional. Zac never gets stated again, lot like Tara’s boyfriend, however Tiffi isn’t Becky’s beta reader and they don’t have a spat partway v or anything of the sort.

EDWARD IS our GODD!(we wanna SEX the gud!)

Honestly, ns think this is how all fanfiction should open. Simply tell me straight-up what personality you wanna bang before the story’s also started. Save us all part time.

love &blood becky mac! xxx x x xx

Aww. That’s kinda cute.

UPDATE: I have actually a proofreader and I have cleaned up the spelling and also grammer top top this chaptor a hell that a lot together you will check out (thank u vickie!)

Yeah, Vickie, say thanks to you. Looks choose you’re act a great job and also you’ve got everything under manage here.

i will certainly be imrpoving the next chaptors soon.

Since this fic got “abandoned,” succeeding chapters have not in reality been improved. Not that one deserve to tell, anyway.

Altantiana

Yes, that is a typo of she OC’s name. Turn off to a an excellent start.

Hey, my names Atlantiana Rebekah Loren (but everyone calls me Tiana or just plain Tiaa).

Virtually no one calls she Tiana throughout the course of the story. Just so you know. “Tiaa” isn’t a typo, either, despite I have no idea why the author felt the require to include an extra A.

Notice the center name? Subtle.

I to be a 16 year old girl and I live in Forks, Washington!

This actually makes her a year younger than Bella, because that the record.

My hair is long and also pale choose spun gold and also skims to mine waist favor a pale shimmering amber mist.

It’s paleandit’s pale? Also, gold and amber space not the exact same color.

My eyes are deep forgetminot blue and my vulnerable fentures are lilly white and pure together the winter snow in moonlight.

I’ve been complimented on my fentures prior to too, yet it’s nothing worth bragging about.

I’ve to be told by loads of sleazy, ugly, HORNY males that I’m real pretty and also look like a design or a bunny girl (some that the males who favor me room really old and shot to make opt with me the disgusting and also weird!) yet basically a lot of the girls I satisfy tell a different story.

Well, gee, after the modest summary of you yourself I’m shocked that boys think you’re attractive, Tiaa. You sounded so plain and ordinary.

Am guessing the the girl whodon’ttell a various story space gay.

They say ns too ivory white and also ethereal and too skinny and that ns look anorexic which ns don’t treatment about, yet I think its serious disrespectful to human being with genuine eating obstacle (btw ns so totally not anorexic! ns eat loads I just never acquire weight and I’m not thin sufficient to it is in anorexic anyways, i think they were simply being BIATCHES specifically this one ratty brain called Ellie Mayfair that I hope freaking dies in PAIN through SHIT ON she FACE! Sorry, I’m no really together a batch however she is SO awful if you met she you’d think the same!)

I hate when girls pick on me because that being also ethereal.

Even though we’re using the “attractive personality looks anorexic however isn’t” trope, and that’s obviously not so great, i guess that nice that Tiaa/Becky took the time to allude out the the to compare is disrespectful to human being who actually have actually anorexia or another eating disorder.

The bit about Ellie Mayfair is just one of the ideal things I’ve ever before read. Ns hope you guys all know why I had actually to operation this fic now.

Anyways ns am quite tall and slim and but v really large boobs the I used to HATE due to the fact that they look remarkable on my slender body and draw to much attention but now i like them and also don’t care who stares in ~ me!

Ah, the “skinny however improbably busty” body type. Strangely much more common in fiction 보다 in actual life.

Tiaa entirely does care who stares in ~ her, by the way. As we’ll watch shortly.

I have actually a lip ring and recently placed black and indigo and also magenta streaks in my long pale blond hair hair. Ns smell prefer mint and also cinnamon.

I have actually no idea why we’re supposed to care about any the this, however I’m specifically unclear around why we should care what she smells like.

I wear greatly black and hot pink, deep purple and neon blue and listen come COOL music!

Tiaa’s particular music taste never ever comes up, to my recollection, however I’m betting my Chemical romance is involved.

It is my first day at college in forks together I simply moved here to live with new foster parental Dave and also Marie. They room nice and also all really hole part sweet people but it is not like having actually a genuine family.

Yeah, Tiaa is adopted. This is sort of plot-important later on on, however we never gain to find out much around her life before Dave and also Marie.

I’ve to be hurt to numerous times to let civilization close come me and also I don’t speak to them very much.

I mean… youjustmoved in through them.

My real mom passed away when i was born and I never ever knew my real dad. I occasionally wonder what he is like and also if i will ever before get come met him.

Foreshadowing!

Dave offered me a ride come school and also I smiled faintly together he wished me an excellent luck and also I obtained out the the car and went right into the school. Lots of world freaking stared in ~ me together I walked down the hall.

Presumably because she’s as well ethereal.

I was wearing tight black leather pants v silver chains at the waste and also a red fishnet-like top and you can see my black lacy bra v it.

Thatcouldhave miscellaneous to execute with why they’re staring.

I ignored whispers and also the huge pink cheerleader imbosils pointing at me. Ns was supplied to it and also I paid no at-tension to the guys asking desperately because that my number(like hell I’d also LOOK in ~ the horny little donkeys!) and told a ditsy blond hair cheerleader called Jessica to STFU(!) as soon as she referred to as me a freak!

God ns love this author’s composing style. Truly, no one has ever written choose this, before or since. BeckyMac666 is one of the unsung geniuses of ours time.

Next time she tries anything ok hit she in the eye reason NO ONE messes v me nemore!

Most of the rest of the story is around various civilization messing through Tiaa. For the record.

My very first day ns was relay board, ns sat gazing out of the window into the gray cloud-embittered skies for many of the morning, mine teachers all looked at me disprovable yet said nothing cause they probably new I was a foster kid and a Gothic and didn’t want to upset me in instance I cut them up as they slept,.

I’m a pretty large fan of the expression “cloud-embittered,” although the is the course completely meaningless.

Hey, uh… why the hell hasn’t she gotten dress coded? I went to a personal school and also I guess ours dress code was a bit stricter than most, however most high colleges will get upset in ~ teenage girls because that not extending their knees and shoulders, permit alone having any undergarments visible. Tiaa’s whole bra is showing through her fishnet top. This is a situation in which i think it’d bereasonableto ask she to change.

My ears room pierced four times, I have a tattoo the a scorpion(like S mine birth-sign!) on mine ankle and also a Gothic cross on my shoulder, and also on my hand i have a monster birthmark in the form of a seven-pointed star the I’ve had all mine life.

I don’t understand why we’ve gone right ago to (over)describing Tiaa, however I carry out think I must delete my whole OkCupid bio and replace it with this opening chapter.

Your most likely wandering why i’m bothering come tell girlfriend this, well i tell you now I to be no simple sixteen year old girl.

Could’ve fooled me!

I have a secret, a dark and forbidden mystery witch ns am just just beginning to understand. Once I sleep i hear whispers in an additional language and also even though I know them in ~ the time, as soon as I wake up up i can’t psychic it!

That’s nothing. I had a dream as soon as where I defined the definition of Nirvana text to somebody (obviously not possible in genuine life), and also I couldn’t remember mine explanation when I wake up up either.

I additionally see weird faces in my desires that fade come nothingness once I open my eyes and also I swear the end the edge of mine eye mine birthmark glows shocking shining gold and gets relay warm sometimes however when i look correctly it is ago to typical boarding scar-color!

I’d favor to remind you that this is set in theTwilightuniverse. It’s currently got wonder creatures, and also there room rules established around their abilities, appearances, and behavior. Tiaa is plainly not quite human, however she no seem to be a vampire, a half-vampire, or a werewolf. She’s fully unique within she universe, because that no characterized reason, and the rule governing various other nonhumans don’t apply to her.

Like, the physics description and the obvious homage come “My Immortal” already made the clear the this girl is a mar Sue, but this author clearly gets that Sue status isn’t just about looking unreasonably pretty. It’s around defying the rule of canon. Tiaa’soutstandingat that, as you’ll see later on.

I am really gracefull choose the to run anti-lopes as soon as I run really fast and am stronger and faster than most people.

God, what a sentence.

I provided to simply think i was relay athletic however now I’m no so sure, ns think there could be something else at work, something therefore much much more mysterious and also eeire.

Something like… negative writing?

The fact hovers for this reason softly top top the brink of my storage sometimes but if just i can remember the weird points that clung come the leaf of my mind as I slept!

There are so many bad fanfics where the prose is bare-bones, with couple of or no adjectives/adverbs and straightforward sentence structure. BeckyMac666 tends in opposing direction, and also it’s awesome. Everything is phrased as despite it’s supervisor dramatic, rash metaphors abound, and our writer has clearly never met one adjective she no like. Hey
aspiring trollfic authors: take it note. This is how you write an entertain badfic.

At lunch ns sat alone in the corner and scanned the cafeteria quietly with my eye smoldering dark blue beheath my lengthy black lashes and my slim thighs curled under me.

Also a big fan of just how Tiaa constantly talks around herself together though she checking it s her out.

It to be the n ns noticed one unbelievably jaw-droopingly hawt HAWT HAAAAAAAAWT dude with tusseted blondey-brown hair, gold yellow eyes choose wells of hot caramel and pale sexy features. He was tall and mussel and also looked choose he to be wearing eyeliner and also my body got hot and also cold overall as i looked at him.

Kind of favor an erection just she’s a girl therefore she didn’t acquire one girlfriend sicko.

I’d never ever felt this way about everyone before and also I’d totally never feeling this weird feeling that I’d met someone prior to but I had no idea where and i knew it to be impassible since I’d freaking mental someone the hawt!

Foreshadowing! Again!

A girl sat next to him with long brown hair v her eight dripped end him like a freaking flesh-eating tree so i thought well whatevah, hes taken.

Straight-up one of the best similes I’ve ever before seen. Like, I examine English literature and also I nothing think I’ve ever read a metaphor better than that one. I’m no joking, it’s brilliant.

She wasn’t almost as hawt together he was, she no ugly though. Ns figured i was perhaps prettier climate her. I never ever really saw myself as beautiful however i’d guessed from thinks others had actually said, plus this girl wasn’t good looking however anyways I’d never shot to pilch with another girls’ BF cause thats simply low.

The modesty act might be a little more convincing if us hadn’t just read number of paragraphs the Tiaa talking around how hot she is.

So I obtained up to leave the hall reasoning I’d go and also smoke some bald medicine in the locker room while no one was there.

Hey, what’s a “bald drug”? ns go come a liberal arts college and also I’ve watched the entirety ofBreaking Badmultiple times, so girlfriend think I’d have heard that it.

As ns waked over to he exit I couldn’t aid but an alert the hawt pale males musky eyes together they met mine.

Musk is a substance some male animals secrete because that scent-marking purposes. The word comes from the Sanskrit for “scrotum.” thought you all need to know.

I locked far hurriedly. I smocked dope in the locker room because that a little bit then i wondered come my next class.

This bitch simply hotboxed a locker room top top her first day the school.

I bumped into someone in the corridor and my bocks dropped everywhere! FRICK! FRICK! FRIIIICKK!

Remember the this is the beta-read variation of the chapter.

“WTF!” i screamed loudly, “watch where your FREAKING going you asshole!” (i have actually anger problems)

So friend know just how self-insert characters, particularly Sues, frequently have self-proclaimed “anger issues”? ns wanna talk about that, actually, because it’s a trope I watch not only in fanfiction but inpublishedfiction, and also it open minded bugs me.

In actual life, anger worries are a totally legitimate character flaw, and also one that deserve to have serious an unfavorable consequences in-universe. A character through a bad temper might make decision decisions, screw up your relationships with others, have actually trouble holding down a job, gain in trouble with the law, and also so on; civilization who have actually anger troubles are frequently mentally ill and/or traumatized, too, and the anger may be just the reminder of the iceberg. Plenty of morally faint characters, well-written ones, have trouble with anger. Yes sir nothing wrong through this trope once it’s executed correctly.

In the hand of a less-than-competent writer, however, anger issues are the contrary of a problem, due to the fact that the character’s display of anger will certainly invariably cause others to back down or apologize and there will be no an adverse consequences. Composing a character who so sweet and also charming the they always get their means has precisely the same effect, however as that trope drops out of style “anger issues” has taken its place and the authors that write these personalities have no idea that they’re doing the exact same thing together the trope they assumed they were avoiding.

Of course, this is the work-related of a troll, and the usage of this trope is almost certainly intentional, however there are method too plenty of authors who employ the unironically as a means to give a “flaw” come a character that even they realize is bordering top top unrealistic.

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“I’m so so sorry” he stated in a voice favor wet heaven “please forgive me mine lady”

Author’s so fond of monster phrases that I have no idea whether or no “wet heaven” is intended together innuendo.